Amid the twisted twigs- Love

It was on a unseasonably warm eighty five degree April day when I sat among the budding branches on the property of our family farm. The air was mild and for once there wasn't any wind. I looked around me and realized that even though my family had owned this treasure for over thirty years, I hadn't stopped long enough to enjoy the beauty of it. There, an underground river provides a natural spring with ice cold pure water that runs through the property and feeds two ponds. The trees were leafing, the grass turning green and the red buds were robust with color. The birds were enjoying the pleasant temperatures and sunshine. The snakes were still not yet convinced it was time to emerge from the winter hideouts, at least that is what my husband told me and I skeptically bought it.

My husband fished in the big pond, as I sought a place to unfold my lawn chair and listen to the sounds of nature and the voice of the Holy Spirit. I parked near the stream that rippled over the rocks into a creek. I was able to position myself to put my bare feet into the stream of water. As the sun warmed my shoulders the water cooled my body. It was perfect, absolutely perfect.

I had come to this place in need of rest, solace, and peace. For many years I had taken very few vacations and was very driven to succeed at my job; not that my job was too difficult or important, but that is just the kind of anxious hairpin I am. When the kids were little we would go down to the ponds once in a while to throw out a line or pitch a tent, but there were always little ones to play with and watch over to divert my attention. Those moments were beautiful within themselves, but just different than this day.

I positioned myself to listen to the voice of God. I needed answers. I needed help, and I needed to find peace for my soul. God did speak to me that day. He spoke to me through the beauty of the clouds, the lavender blooms of the red bud trees, the rippling sound of the water cascading over the rocks, the birds' melodic chirping, and the soft whisper of his Holy Spirit in my heart.

He gave me a list of things I needed to do in order to press on in the things he has for me. First on the list was to love. Okay, that sounds pretty easy. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, I love people. No problem, next! But it's not that easy. As I listened I realized love, goes much deeper than I realized. I have always equated love to the depth of how I love my husband, my children, grandchildren, and my friends and family. That is a love that would give anything or do anything to nurture. And I can't honestly say I loved Jesus with that kind of love. After all, he has asked me to do countless things, but I have rejected his requests many times. But, in his grace and forgiveness he still makes time for me. He showed me that love is L-leaving, O-oneself, V-vulnerable, and E-exposed.

It occurred to me then, I don't know if I even understand love. If perfect love casts out all fear, then it must mean we must love perfectly, brokenly, openly and our hearts must be

exposed in order to be free of anything that makes us feel inferior or inept. When Christ made the ultimate sacrifice of his life, he put it all out there. He didn't hold back. He showed love by being very vulnerable and exposed. He laid down everything. How insignificant my love is in comparison to the love he displayed for you and me at Calvary.

So, I was not so quick to move on to the next thing on the list he gave me to do. I decided to chew on item number one for a few days. To comb through scripture, to at least attempt to emulate his love in some ridiculously simple way. These thoughts ensued:

Love means to answer the phone when someone you love calls, even if you are busy. Love means to give even when giving seems impossible. Love means sacrificing time, even when you are exhausted and weary. Love means forgiving someone even if they have hurt you terribly. Love means loving the sinner, even though you recognize the sin. Love means being honest with others as well as our self, being willing to be hurt, willing to lose, willing to apologize, even if we are not in the wrong. Love even means believing I can do all things through Christ. Yep, love means to accept and love myself, too.

Midst the magnificence of nature that day I found one answer my longing heart needed. I found love at a different level. Love is so much more than an emotion, a warm fuzzy, a goose bump. It is open heart surgery performed by the Great Physician himself, but we must be willing to be still long enough to let him perform his work.

It is crazy how I now perceive love so differently. When my phone rings, if it is someone other than that infamous 800 number, my heart whispers quietly to me. . . . "love," and I pick up my phone.

My providential moments at the Gardner family farm have changed me, and I am aware that even though I am just a twisted twig on the holy vine, I am capable of effectuating a love that expands beyond my understanding. Oh yeah, and that God is not yet finished with me. And I'll let you in a little secret. . . . He's not yet finished with you either. :)